Abide

I’m not necessarily what one would call a ‘planner’. There have been many projects
(around the house or otherwise) that I have taken on full throttle with every intention of figuring it out along the way. 

My husband is the opposite. He is a thorough planner (as a Civil Engineer should be). If a project requires lumber, tools, hardware, etc. he will do a full take-off and estimate the amount and cost the whole project will be. 

You can imagine how some moments of building our house went!

As much as I am not a planner, I still like to know what is happening in my life, so I guess I would call myself a ‘figure outer’. If I don’t know or understand what is happening, I WILL figure it out. 

While being a figure outer can be a fun and whimsical way to take on projects- it can be redundant and troublesome in other aspects of my life.

When I want to figure out:

Myself

My family

People

My life

My purpose

My children

God’s will

…I ruminate. 

And I talk about it with my friends, my sister, and my wonderful, patient husband who has been a listening ear for almost 13 years (Bless him lol).

I want to figure out the nuances and mystery.  Sometimes I want to know the reason why that person looked at me the way they did. I want to know what way I can support and love my children, so they grow up emotionally and mentally healthy.

I want to know where my passions, gifts, and service coexist, so I can figure out my purpose. Whether or not I should go back to school right now while I homeschool my children. Or if I should wait- or not go back at all. If I start this blog, what would I write about, and who would ever care to read it?

I want to understand my feelings and to figure out why I feel the way I do. Why do people behave the way they do? Why was each particular word used in the Bible? (Thankfully there is ‘Strongs Exhaustive Concordance’ to help with that one!). 

To be honest, I have driven myself to mental, spiritual, and physical exhaustion trying to figure things out. 

The other morning I made a quick Walmart run and I was listening to Falling Upward by Richard Rohr. He was talking about being in a state of ‘being’ as opposed to a state of action, and how when we are in a state of being God will put things in our laps to act on. 

Well, there you go.

Isn’t it so funny how the answers are always right there, and they’re always so seemingly simple?

Wake up. Be still. Abide.

It’s like that morning God was saying-

Katie, wake up. Get out of your head and into my heart, which is also in you. It isn’t far away. You may be in the wilderness. I am here, too. Ready to strike rocks to give you water, and manna from Heaven.

Stop wandering and complaining.

Abide in my peace. 

Abide in my love.

Be still.

All the right actions will come. 

Go in peace to love and serve in each moment that arises.