The Day Between

I found myself falling into a bit of a funk recently. In the weeks prior to this I had experienced, for the first time that I can remember, a prolonged state of peace and joy that went on for weeks. 

This state of being I experienced could only be attributed to allowing myself to surrender to God fully, for the first time. 

I was raised in a Baptist church. I said the salvation prayer and accepted Jesus and was baptised when I was 8 years old. 

But throughout growing up in the church, I felt that something was missing. I couldn’t understand the resignation to suffering through life, waiting to rest in peace and only experiencing pure joy and connection with God for when we are dead. 

That just doesn’t sound like the life that the God I know would want for me or anyone else. 

I was raised to believe that being human and born onto the Earth- I was doomed to always fall short. I was born in sin. I will die in sin. I will suffer because of my sin and the sins of others. There is nothing to be done of it, but to believe in Jesus. 

While there is truth in faith- faith without works is dead. (James 2:26)

Aren’t we forgetting about our souls? 

Are our divine souls not capable of resting in the peace of God while we are on this Earth? 

We treat our souls as if they are trapped inside our bodies, caged in our sin. Like they aren’t at all times capable of communion with the one who created it? 

So how do we get there? 

I am listening to the book ‘Entering the Castle’ by Caroline Myss for the second time. Last night I heard her say “Everything depends on whether or not you can handle your fear of being humiliated.”

During the time that I was feeling prolonged peace and joy, the caveat was surrender. 

I have this necklace with St. Teresa of Avila. She was a carmelite nun, a doctor of the church, and a Christian Mystic known for her books ‘The Interior Castle’ and ‘The Way of Perfection.’ 

She has a well-known prayer:

“Let nothing disturb you,

let nothing frighten you,

all things will pass away.

God never changes;

patience obtains all things,

whoever has God lacks nothing.

God alone suffices.”

I actually developed a fear of wearing the necklace. I thought wearing the necklace would invite all sorts of ‘negative’ situations that I would have to learn to not let disturb me. Like praying for patience, and God will give you plenty of opportunities to practice it! 

The fear of this kind of surrender is immobilizing. 

We want to ‘have life to the fullest’, but we are afraid of surrender. We want to have peace and joy, but only if it looks how we want.

The ‘catch-22’ of having a soul-filled, spiritual life is that eventually we realize that the fullness of life that our souls are constantly longing for- is only found in the surrender of ourselves- our fears and our selfish ambitions. 

Humility for the sake of Christ.

Surrender is the cross-shaped bridge that connects our fears of humiliation with our salvation- freedom, joy, and peace.

It is found in the surrender between the loss and fear felt on the cross- the idea of letting go of all we want to control and preserve- and the empty tomb on Easter morning.

We have so much we are afraid to surrender, and in our daily lives a lot of the time it has to do with the fear of being humiliated in some way. Of being mocked or ridiculed. Of suffering loss- loss of loved ones, loss of reputation, loss of respect, loss of hope.

But this is exactly what Jesus did for us. He was publicly humiliated. He suffered death and was buried, and as we all know- on the third day he rose again.

Did he say to his disciples “I’ve done all the hard work now, so keep your souls caged up. Sorry, you’ll just have to suffer until I see you again when you’re with me in Heaven.”

No.

He said “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” (Matthew 12:24-26)( see also Luke 9:23-27, Matthew 10;38-39, Romans 12;1, Galatians 2:20)

We are called as followers of Christ to take up our crosses- our fears of humiliation. All the external things our peace and joy hinge on- and leave them with our cross. 

Not one time- Daily.

Every time the fear comes.

Then, we find it in ourselves to surrender.

We surrender our fears, we dress them in funeral garments, we pay our respects, and then we leave it in the tomb. We find peace and hope in the promise of God’s goodness within the dark night of the soul.

And when we come back, we find that we didn’t actually lose anything.

We gave Christ more space in us.